beware. emo-ing in progress.
sigh why does everyone seem to be leading such happy lives. i dunno, i think i'm just pms-ing. rong seemed to have a fun week. hmm let me review my week too.
monday - tired
tuesday - lonely
wednesday - uninvolved
thursday - disappointed
friday - sad
saturday - upset
:( a whole new spectrum huh?
i'm fake, admit it. i put up a front all the time, i know it. i try to smile, knowing i cant and shouldnt, i say things when i dont mean them, and i attempt to be a happy girl that everyone knows.
i never do things right. i make people upset. i make people disappointed. i make people angry. and all this frustrates me. why cant i just do things right? i cant even study right. i flunk my studies, and i flunk in life. where's the discipline? i guess that's just a front that's put up as well. just a fake "discipline". looks oh-so-mighty eh? looks oh-so-strong.
ugh i'm even starting to doubt our friendship. will it really last? is it really forever? i really want it to last. but by then, will i just be the forgotten one? cos you keep saying 'dont tell you' like everything shouldnt be my business. but didnt we promise that we'll tell each other everything? maybe you were just kidding, but i feel so out of place. okay, so i'm not always high, i dont always talk much. and i talk crap that no one understands. probably only you know that i'm capable of saying nothing but crap. probably only you can put up with it. but everyone has their limits, and i guess your limit is reaching already.
i hate myself for thinking this way, but i cant stop myself either.
double-faced asshole. i hate you.
but at least i still have Him. Lord help me change! i dont want to live my life this way, feeling so upset and my heart feels so heavy all the time. i dont want.
flew @9:13 PM
April 14, 2007
